You carefully curated your guest list. You counted heads, confirmed seating, and double-checked your catering numbers. And then, surprise! An RSVP rolls in with an unexpected “+1,” or worse, someone mentions they’re bringing their cousin, friend, or new boo to your wedding.
It happens more often than you’d think. Guests will casually add an unexpected plus-one or assume their children are welcome without checking first. In most cases, it’s not done with bad intentions. People simply don’t realize the ripple effect that even one extra guest can cause. From final headcounts and catering costs to seating charts and fire code limits, every name on the guest list matters. What feels like a small, casual ask to them can create real stress for you and your vendors. That’s why it’s so important to handle these situations with both clarity and kindness. Let’s talk about how to do exactly that gracefully.
Start with Clear Communication Early On
The best way to prevent surprise guests is by setting expectations from the very beginning! Address invitations specifically by name (e.g., “Ms. Jordan Lee” instead of “The Lee Family”). Customize RSVP cards or forms to say something like: “We have reserved 2 seats in your honor. Please let us know if you’ll be attending.”
This polite but firm language helps signal that your guest count is intentional and not open-ended.
When Someone RSVPs With a Surprise +1
Take a breath. Then, respond with kindness.
“Thank you so much for your RSVP! I just wanted to clarify that due to limited space, we’re only able to accommodate those listed on the invitation. We truly hope you can still attend, we’d love to celebrate with you!”
Most guests will understand once it’s gently explained. And those who don’t? Well, you’ve done your part with grace.
When It’s a Last-Minute Ask
It’s one thing to politely decline a surprise RSVP. It’s another thing when someone reaches out days before the wedding, asking to bring someone. Here’s a simple script to try:
“I’m so honored you’ll be there! We’re at full capacity with our venue and catering, so we aren’t able to make any changes this close to the big day. Thank you for understanding.”
A Note About Children and Plus-Ones in New Relationships
These are the two most common gray areas! For child-free weddings, make it clear on the invite and wedding website.
For single guests, it’s okay to not extend a plus-one to everyone, especially if you’re on a budget. Just try to be consistent (e.g., offer plus-ones to those in long-term relationships).
Lean on Your Planner
If you’re working with a wedding planner, you don’t have to manage these sticky conversations alone. I often help couples word their invites, handle awkward RSVPs, and even manage seating chart changes when surprises do come up.
The bottom line?
You deserve to celebrate your wedding with the people you intentionally invited. With thoughtful wording and a little support, you can set boundaries without sacrificing kindness.
Need help wording your RSVPs or handling a tricky guest situation? Book a consultation today! I'd love to help you protect your guest list and your peace.